


even though i'm nothing to you now

by depressionjutsu (fullfeature)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Keith centric, M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), doesnt follow the series really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 10:08:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11644332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullfeature/pseuds/depressionjutsu
Summary: Shiro is right there: flesh, bone, metal.But he is so far: heart, soul, truth.And those are not things Keith feels permitted to ask for.





	even though i'm nothing to you now

Keith eyes Shiro’s hands as they control the castle’s maps. He is supposed to be learning the new star system they’ve entered. Just in case. He can’t… Can’t shake the feeling welling in him though. Helplessness. Shiro’s bionic arm glints in the purple light and if Keith focuses enough he can imagine the purple glow coming from the metal instead. He can’t shake the feeling of Shiro’s hands, the ghosts of what they once felt like. The rough pads of his fingers across the bird bones bumping out under his skin. The way Shiro held his wrists, pressing down down until there was a red ring. The press of those palms against his back, claiming the stretch between his shoulder blades as Keith writhed in pleasure underneath him.   
  


Keith’s throat is dry with the intensity of the feeling. He’s been craving it all for so long. Shiro’s smile, his laugh, his warmth. And it’s here. Keith has it. And yet… the press of his warm hands, the possessive glint in his eyes. What he has now, it isn’t enough. That is the crux of the issue. Shiro is right there: flesh, bone, metal. But he is so far: heart, soul, truth. And those are not things Keith feels permitted to ask for.   
  


Shiro doesn’t remember. He doesn’t remember they’re slow descent and the final stretch before they gave in, collided. Like two asteroids in space, orbiting for so long that they had nowhere else to go. Shiro doesn’t remember their promises, always and forever. He doesn’t remember what he promised, i’ll come back to you, my love. And Keith… Keith doesn’t feel like he can ask for that either. This Shiro who knows nothing at all of what they were, how could he fulfill what had been left behind?  
  


Keith doubts that his bones remember. That his one hand knows the expanse of skin it used to love. The warmth and wet of Keith’s mouth, the tightness of him inside. The edges of his teeth and sharp of his hipbones: the places Keith had never shown anyone else. All of those memories locked away--maybe. Or maybe they’re gone forever. Taken into some black hole the galra made, and with them the love that Shiro held for him went too.    
  


God. What Keith wouldn’t give to feel it again. Basking in the sun of Shiro, his warmth, his support. Greedy, of course. As soon as Keith thinks it he knows. It was luck that brought his love back alive. Luck and Shiro’s killer instinct, the surefire attitude and take charge momentum. The very things that brought them together the first time. To wish for more is indulgent, greedy, too much. But yet… in his room alone there is nothing that can stop Keith from aching with the want. The want he has for Shiro to sleep soundly next to him. The desire to feel the metal and skin of Shiro’s hands on his bared thighs, his neck, his chest. He yearns for the marks Shiro used to leave behind. Red rings and pink marks, teeth prints.   
  


The memories are like blood. He can’t scrub his own hands clean. He breathes harshly. Shiro turns to watch him. “Are you listening?” The scar across his nose and his white streak of hair center Keith. This is Shiro, The Black Paladin.   
  


“Yeah, sorry. Keep going. Where were we?” Shiro smiles, quick, before he turns back to the stars. Keith tries not to feel jaded, abandoned. He almost wants to leave. Call it a night. But the helplessness he feels is bleeding into guilt, and that in to rage. Keith could never control his own emotions. Allura claims that is a hallmark of Red, her impulsivity, her rash actions and intensity. At the garrison it brought Keith trouble, with and without Shiro there. At least with him there had been control. Keith had never had it, but Shiro held it for him. Disappointing his foster parents, the foster houses he ghosted through, that had never affected him. Disappointing Shiro, getting the tight frown and creased brow. That had always been crushing.   
  


Shiro had quickly learned that Keith craved his discipline. His orders were followed out of respect, admiration, love. Shiro had often spared the rod and spoiled the child, but Keith loved him stern, controlling. His heavy weight on top, holding Keith in place. His harsh, rough officer voice as he told Keith to get on his hands and knees. There had never been a moment where Keith had questioned the hands he’d placed himself in. That, at least had not changed.   
  


“Keith? I think it’s time to turn in buddy.” Shiro looked at him worriedly. Keith tries to seem lighthearted.   
  


“I think I’m going to train some more, but goodnight.” His Shiro would know. He would know that jittery Keith meant that he was upset, that he needed to talk, had something important to say.   
  


“Oh alright. Don’t work yourself too hard, we still have training tomorrow.” Shiro waved, then strode to his own room, shutting off the maps as he went.   
  


Bathed in the little lights from the controls, and the light from the stars Keith tried not to feel worlds away from it all. Uselessly, he tried not feel like he was climbing out of his own skin, like he could be his own safety. Instead Keith grit his teeth against the wave of pure emotion that wracked him. Slumping to the ground he tasted the salt of his own tears. There were galaxies between him and home.   

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading. I wrote this in one sitting and played Bruises by Lewis Capaldi on repeat, the title is from it as well. 
> 
> seriously though that song is amazing, please give it a listen. 
> 
> also comments and kudos are appreciated <3  
> (i would love to give a few spinoff flashbacks in this verse if theres interest)


End file.
